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Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Hari Raya Haji 2014

Last Sunday was a little bit different. Woke up to a row of hanging jubahs and hijabs. I was aware that it was Hari Raya Haji and I had a vision in my head that I wanted to wear baju pahang out for visiting.

For those who do not understand the terms written above, let me explain more further. 

1) Jubah (also known as Jubbah) is a long garment worn by Muslim women. 
2) Hijab is a head covering worn in public by some Muslim women. 
3) Hari Raya Haji (also known as Eid Al-Adha) is a Muslim festival that falls on the 10th day of Zulhijjah (the 12th month in the Islamic calendar).
4) Baju Pahang is a malay traditional costume.

As I was saying, I woke up to a number of jubahs and hijabs hanging on my wardrobe. It was for the family. I was shocked because my mum didn't mention anything about ME wearing it out. It never crossed my mind that I would wear a hijab out on Hari Raya Haji. I  suddenly recalled that my second sister bought the whole set when she went to Makkah with her in laws some time ago. She bought for the our family a set of jubah and hijab each. I thought my mum must have forgotten about its existence when she received the whole stack from my sister but I was wrong. She gladly ironed it that very morning. 

I mean, don't get me wrong. You would be shocked too if one day you wake up and your mum suddenly tells you, "Shower and wear this jubah and hijab." I was like, HUH?!! She explained to me that my sisters agreed on wearing it out as a family on Eid Al-Adha and I thought, okay... Fine... I respect. I respect my family's decision and I respect the Muslim festival. 

I felt uncomfortable as first because I don't want to be wearing a hijab when I am not ready. I felt like a hypocrite wearing it. I don't feel good. It wouldn't be nice for people to see like, "Ehhhh why today wear hijab but then wear dress, shorts, sleeveless the next day..." You know? Then, there would be a huge commotion. But eventually, I got over that negative thoughts and just wore it out out of respect. I didn't want to be the mood spoiler. Only for a day.

Mika Rayn and Suri Ayra fooling around. How cute!

My #ootd

New addition to the family. Meet Habeel (sleeping on my sister's arm)

Mum and sisters over at my brother's in-law place

Knocked out!

All in all, it was a great experience wearing the jubah and hijab out that day. My grandmother would look at me, hold my face and say that I look pretty when I'm all covered up. Kan cantik pakai tutup tutup macam gini. That's her favourite line. It's funny how I've never worn a proper hijab out before, other than going madrasa (a specific type of religious school or college for the study of the Islamic religion). My sister was the one who helped me out with the binding of hijab and I felt so kaku (stiff). Well, at least I know how it feels like to wear them out in public. 

Deep inside, I am proud to be a Muslim. I just can't portray that (in terms of covering myself from head to toe) because I am not mentally and physically prepared yet. There are people on the internet that would question me about my outfit, about the way I live my life, how I should live my life as a muslim and so on. I get pressured and that's fine. I DO realise that I am not a saint. I sin just like everyone else. Just because I sin differently than you doesn't make you any better as a person. Everyone has their own pace on how their going to change themselves into a better muslim. There's no need to rush. Don't be surprised that those people who takes time to improve themselves, end up being better than the ones who already are.

Insyaallah one day, if He were to open my heart to him. I'd rather wear it with pride, along with ever-growing knowledge and etiquette rather than wear it, but everything inside you is empty.

Have a blessed day!

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