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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Priorities Shifted

FINALLY. A proper write-up on my blog! Nothing about advertorials and OOTDs. I know it bores you to always go to my blog, and all you get/see is advertorials, sponsors, OOTDs, free stuff and more free stuff. Yeah... I know, it's boring to always have those things as my blog content. I wouldn't even read such blogs if I were you. HAHAHA! Okay, jokes aside. For those who still read my blog even how DEAD BORING it gets, thanks for sticking with me :)

There are so many things that I would like to talk about and I don't even know where or how to start. 

Okay, yes, internship. I am done with it. TOTALLY done with it. So how do I feel? 

HAPPY is an understatement.


During my internship period, I felt like shit. Three months I have to put my blog on hold. I really thought that I could juggle between internship, blogging, photo shoot, events and advertorials, I thought I could do it. But obviously, I failed. I couldn't. It was hard.

My internship requires me to sit in front of the office desk, do some data entry and calls. If this is what my future holds, NO THANKS. I got Plan B, C, D.....Z. In the beginning, I felt that my work schedule was ridiculous. 

Monday to Friday, 9am to 5:30pm
Alternate Saturday, 9am to 1pm

I personally think that it was time for to get rid of my bad habit. I got a big problem with punctuality. When in school, I am never early or on time, I am always 5 minutes late or later than late. That was something hard for me to change about myself. During the New Paper New Face 2013, I was late once by a few minutes, and I was 'punished' to wait for half an hour before I was able to do my shoot. After that, I got so scared I was always early for everything. I tried to apply it to school, and eventually, it was back to square one. I don't want to blame it on the travel distance between my house and school, because it's no excuse really. I could have woken up way earlier than usual. It was just, me.

Surprisingly, during internship, I'm always early and on time. GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT EVER. Of course there were times where my bus delayed, yes, I was slightly late. BUT MOST OF THE TIME I WAS EARLY AND PUNCTUAL. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF. REALLY. LIKE IS THIS ASYIHA?????

I guess, I got serious with work. I didn't want to mess with the wrong people. Hahaha! Semester 2 is starting in about three months time and I hope and pray I can stick to this good habit of mine. We'll see how it goes...

Like I mentioned, it was hard for me to juggle a lot of things and it has affected a lot of things. 

Firstly, it was my blog. I had a hard time trying to find time to blog about things. I hate doing things very bo-chap (anyhow). I want to be able to sit down in front of my laptop and give full thoughts to what I have to write. I don't want to be like, "HAIYAH JUST BLOG WHATEVER LA!" It's very sloppy of someone to do that. I like things to be neat and tidy. Quality over quantity. When I write something, I put my heart and soul to it. When I am back from work, I always feel lethargic. All I think of is my bed. As much as I try to pull myself together, I will end up investing my remaining time of the day on something else. Like, family, friends, love life. That was and IS my priority. 

Internship has taught me a lot. Like, what I really want to do in life. As a career. If being a blogger is the answer, NO. It will never take me far. Being a blogger will not be able to help me pay my bills, get a house and so on. It comes to a point where my priorities have shifted. I spend so much time with my family, friends and love ones, and realised these are the things that actually make me HAPPY. I get so hooked with my priorities that I don't even think of people outside of the circle, like what they think of me, or having to impress people with nice clothes, shoes and bags, how to look pretty 24/7, with heavy make up on my face. Do you know how TIRING it gets to always maintain that certain IMAGE people expect you to portray? You lose yourself. Without you knowing. You lose a bit of yourself just to cater to people's need and opinion. And that makes me unhappy. I hate losing myself.

Don't get me wrong. I love blogging. I do. But I am not going to make it a primary source of living for me. Blog is a place where I write anything and everything to express my thoughts, my opinion, my creativity. I am just lucky enough to be able to WORK as a blogger. I mean, I am young. I am 20 years old. To earn that kind of easy money, from just blogging, doing photo shoots and advertorials, why not? At least, at this age, I am able to start on my savings. (Yes savings... I don't spend much on things). You can call it a side job because I am still schooling. And I think it's good enough. To earn that amount of money, while you are schooling AND furthermore, not much time is invested to earn it, that's an advantage. 

I know there will be one point of time where I won't be able to do all these things again. I don't want to live in regrets. Grab whatever opportunities that are being thrown at me and I am more willing to accept. I don't want to be growing old as a working adult and be like, "Shit, Why didn't I do it?" WHY DIDN'T I THIS AND THAT. NOOOO....

Don't get me started on the topic, "Blogger". There's more than just being a blogger and the status. If I continue rambling about it, I won't be able to cover today's topic. Hahaha!!!

So, where was I?

Yes, about juggling a lot of things and how it has affected me. Not only do I find it hard to blog, I ended up looking like shit when I attend events. I love going events, you get to see people, meet people, and widen my knowledge in general. I like to observe and learn. I try my very best to attend events. I will go events that start after 7pm. That applies on weekdays. I end work at 5:30pm, either I go home and rush, get changed, or I go straight from my work place. Either ways, I will turn out looking like shit. Why? 

I hate rushing. After showering, I have to put on make up. As for me, I like my make up to be precise. I don't like to slap whatever foundation on my face, whatever lipstick, NO. I like to coordinate how my make up should look like. If you want to attend an event, at least do the make up up right, have to be on point. Cameras everywhere. Make up itself can cover up to 30 minutes fastest. AND THEN I FORGOT, BEING A GIRL, HAIR IS IMPORTANT TOO. SO... hmm.. hair is another thing. I don't do anything much to my hair because I will be late than ever. Even with make up and decent outfit, I still look like shit. The fact that I do things in a hurry and not being able to complete the full look (make up, hair, dressing...), I will still feel and look like shit. And it will affect my presence being at an event with people whose there, looking at you, head to toe. SIGH.

Another alternative is, if I were to go straight to my event with the outfit and make up I did at 7 in the morning (before I go to work), I mean, I WILL LOOK DAMN TIRED AND LOOK LIKE SHIT STILL. Either way, it didn't help me. Time constrain. If I could buy time, I would.

Furthermore, I couldn't even find time to pamper myself. Already, I felt horrible about myself. My nails are not done, my hair is in a mess, my face is starting to grow pimples. Like I FEEL LIKE AN OLD WOMAN. Everything was so wrong. I lack of motivation. I didn't how I should continue where I left off. I was completely LOST. 

Then, I came to Freda (manager from Gushcloud) for help. Dropped by the office and had a talk with her. Asking her, what should I do to improve? It just sucks to know that everyone around me are progressing and then, there's me who is still stagnant (worst, flopping), can't do much about it. Feeling so lost. Don't know what to do. Luckily, Freda is a brutally honest kind of person. She'll just say whatever about me, what I need to improve on, and what I should do. I agree with her. Maybe I just need that reality slap in the face, like HEY WAKE UP. It got me moving...

I am slowly getting the hang of it. I was hungry for freedom. Internship did not allow me to do much. To grow and explore. I felt restricted. Now, my time is finally here :)

That night after internship ended, I began to pick up my phone to fix appointment with IDS Clinic and Salon Vim. I just need to show some love to myself. What more, I was able to spend time with Sahil because he has been away for too long. I am satisfied with spending time with him. Now, he can continue with his busy schedule!!!

8th August

We went to watch a movie called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Too funny!!! 

9th August

My 2nd sister organised a Hari Raya dinner for her company and my family came down.

10th August

Raya with Sahil's family.

11th August

Went to Salon Vim to do my hair!

I can't wait to get this treatment. It helps you to straighten your hair and last you for 5 months. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ALL MY LIFE.

12th August

IDS Clinic in the afternoon and Pandan City, Johore Bahru with friends at night!

Seafood dinner is a must!

There are some events that happened during internship period and I wasn't able to upload the photos. I guess, I just squeeze it here.

Ibu's Birthday

Gushcloud Open House



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